tranquility is not enough
A late night lies ahead,

26/08/18 - im rewatching steven universe and steven universe future and i feel like killing myself if i ever see rebecca sugar it is on SIGHT
26/06/26 - meow
26/06/25 - i fucking hate my life i fucking hate everything i hope everyone around me dies and when they do i'm dragging them down to hell's deepest darkest pits with me for our shared eternal torture lasting until our memories and brains and bodies and old organs melt together into an unrecognizable goop used to feed this realm's most disturbed denizens. i am a helpless animal trapped in this agonizing cage and once i turn eighteen my wings will be unclipped and i will finally be allowed to live as myself without the endless nagging of voices critizing my every single move and attempts to just live life peacefully, and as my true self.
i'm so tired of this torture, this undeserved punishment of having to live with the most annoying unruly people and the most annoying ungrateful acquaintances that do not see as a person and instead as a little play thing to throw their crass attempts at jokes and "dark humor" just because i am ever so slightly different than them. this life may be the more comfortable one i've had so far but the cost is enough to make me want to start it all over again. i do not know how much more i can take of this, the wrong button pressed and those nights spent in tragedy crying and crying may exist no more. nor days nor time spent consuming, witnessing, or even breathing.
all i really wish is to be able to live as myself, live with my heart on the outside and not have to feel any worry or be afraid for my own existence not only because of strangers who think they know me by just from what i am the most vocal about but by supposed friends and family who talk about those like me not knowing their enemy is right in from of them. life no longer seems real. how am i supposed to keep living when there are people walking the same ground, breathing the same air, who think that i am less worthy just because i choose to be a boy instead of a girl, or just because i was born with slighty darker skin than them, or because i choose to express my interests, or because my family did not get here when theirs did.
what is the purpose of any of this.

with the future yet to come.
nothing of importance is nothing at all.